Sunday, April 20, 2008
Why does everything seem to happen at once? -- someone should study that.
I realized yesterday that school is so attractive to me because it satisfies my immense curiosity. Answering questions is made somewhat easier with unlimited access to a university library, plus the fact that it's my job. Last week I'd been putting in overtime on a term paper -- spending nights at the office, writing for a solid six hours a day. I was hoping to finish it up by early this week, as I've got two other papers on top of two presentations and two Japanese finals but, after presenting my draft to the department on Friday, I've realized I'm going to have to discard the vast majority of the work I did this week. I guess it's something I'm going to need to get used to if I'm going to write a thesis.
The radio show has been going great -- the new slot, Friday mornings 6-9, has been much more conducive to receiving love from the listening audience, which helps break the stream of mental self-critique. Right after a particularly embarrassing gaffe that I was sure had alienated my listeners, a local guy called up to tell me that he loved the show -- the music, the voice, the mix. I asked, "But what about all the mistakes I've been making?" His reply? "No need worry, brother." And maybe he's right -- sometimes my critical nature overtakes my stoicism and I forget the wisdom of L. Cohen: "There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." No need worry.
I needed to remember that lesson Friday night when, between sets at on on-campus Earth Day fest, I had my first gig DJ'ing before a crowd of dancing peoples. It was tremendous fun but I got unduly perturbed when one of my sets was taken away. It was a textbook example of suffering caused by attachment, by defining one's identity in relation to an impermanent phenomenon. Undoubtedly part of my foul mood was sublimated frustration from the realization from my paper presentation that I misdirected my energies this past week, but not until my long walk home in the early hours of the A.M. did I let go of my anger of losing "my set". If you love it, set it free, no?
In celebration of letting go, I've been taking a break from the paper in observation of Pesach, the festival of liberation, and last night had what was certainly one of the most enjoyable seders of my twenty-eight years. I may miss my immediate family, but there's something to be said for a lack of embarrassing or awkward moments with extended relatives. We didn't have a Haggadah, but we had a couple of Jews and a couple of people who'd never been to a seder, so we actually had to explain each component of the ritual meal, and as there were only two of us who knew the blessings, we were able to cruise through the service and get to the food, which was phenomenal. So, there was no brisket or tzimmis, but between rack of lamb, salmon, phyllo-wrapped parmesan asparagus, and two delicious salads (one with feta, the other green papaya), we did pretty good.
I'm not quite ready to go back to work. Looking at the calendar and realizing how much needs to be done in the next two-and-a-half weeks is daunting. For today, I'm heading to Waikiki for a little Hawaiian vacation. Monday to Friday will be rough, but I need a little more furlough before heading back to the lines. Happy holiday, all y'all! Next year in Jerusalem...
I realized yesterday that school is so attractive to me because it satisfies my immense curiosity. Answering questions is made somewhat easier with unlimited access to a university library, plus the fact that it's my job. Last week I'd been putting in overtime on a term paper -- spending nights at the office, writing for a solid six hours a day. I was hoping to finish it up by early this week, as I've got two other papers on top of two presentations and two Japanese finals but, after presenting my draft to the department on Friday, I've realized I'm going to have to discard the vast majority of the work I did this week. I guess it's something I'm going to need to get used to if I'm going to write a thesis.
The radio show has been going great -- the new slot, Friday mornings 6-9, has been much more conducive to receiving love from the listening audience, which helps break the stream of mental self-critique. Right after a particularly embarrassing gaffe that I was sure had alienated my listeners, a local guy called up to tell me that he loved the show -- the music, the voice, the mix. I asked, "But what about all the mistakes I've been making?" His reply? "No need worry, brother." And maybe he's right -- sometimes my critical nature overtakes my stoicism and I forget the wisdom of L. Cohen: "There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." No need worry.
I needed to remember that lesson Friday night when, between sets at on on-campus Earth Day fest, I had my first gig DJ'ing before a crowd of dancing peoples. It was tremendous fun but I got unduly perturbed when one of my sets was taken away. It was a textbook example of suffering caused by attachment, by defining one's identity in relation to an impermanent phenomenon. Undoubtedly part of my foul mood was sublimated frustration from the realization from my paper presentation that I misdirected my energies this past week, but not until my long walk home in the early hours of the A.M. did I let go of my anger of losing "my set". If you love it, set it free, no?
In celebration of letting go, I've been taking a break from the paper in observation of Pesach, the festival of liberation, and last night had what was certainly one of the most enjoyable seders of my twenty-eight years. I may miss my immediate family, but there's something to be said for a lack of embarrassing or awkward moments with extended relatives. We didn't have a Haggadah, but we had a couple of Jews and a couple of people who'd never been to a seder, so we actually had to explain each component of the ritual meal, and as there were only two of us who knew the blessings, we were able to cruise through the service and get to the food, which was phenomenal. So, there was no brisket or tzimmis, but between rack of lamb, salmon, phyllo-wrapped parmesan asparagus, and two delicious salads (one with feta, the other green papaya), we did pretty good.
I'm not quite ready to go back to work. Looking at the calendar and realizing how much needs to be done in the next two-and-a-half weeks is daunting. For today, I'm heading to Waikiki for a little Hawaiian vacation. Monday to Friday will be rough, but I need a little more furlough before heading back to the lines. Happy holiday, all y'all! Next year in Jerusalem...
